An abomination of unholy proportions
Fins, black beady eyes, and rows of razor sharp teeth
Yet all the nuisances of Legos strewn about the floor, myriad “why” questions, and an open door while the air conditioner runs
What could have compelled me to partake in such impure and base actions?
Those with two legs and none at all should never mix
What have I done?
He clumsily approaches, I can hear his voracious biting and feel his burning need for my affection
Quickly, think! How do I avoid him? Where can I hide?
Oh, too late…
*CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP* “faTHr” *CHOMP* “i lUv u” *CHOMP* “pleEse…”
Oh, uh, son, how utterly… happy I am… to see you *CHOMP*
Who am I kidding? His mere appearance invokes bile, and its faint aroma incites an attempt on my life
He doesn't belong in my land dwelling home
He certainly can’t survive in the sea
What’s a father to do? My only comfort, my solitary confinement, wrestling my unending torment
A soccer ball kicked, he flops miserably on the ground, his gills now bruised
At the zoo we pass the seal exhibit, he goes into a blood frenzy, a child now without limbs
My face in my hands, despondent, I hear through hundreds of gnashing teeth…
“I’M A MONSTERRRR!!”
Illustration by Colin Johnson. Read about his Manventures while in Thailand.